I’ve been meaning to respond to this article, in which the author bemoans the death of courtship, for a while. All quotes are from that piece, emphasis mine.
Instead of dinner-and-a-movie, which seems as obsolete as a rotary phone
Dinner and a movie is a horrible (first) date idea. The problem with dinner is there’s far too much that can go wrong – without being either person’s fault – and leave a bad taste (pun intended):
- The food is terrible
- The service is terrible
- The restaurant/kitchen is unexpectedly closed. Now you’re both hungry and the person who suggested this place looks like an idiot
- Food allergies
- Acid reflux
- One of the participants is a really messy eater, which is a turn off to the other
- Dinner winds up being expensive, which may result in resentment from the paying party if the rest of the date doesn’t go well because they might view the money as being wasted. It may also result in awkwardness on the side of the non-paying party because they feel obligated to reciprocate despite not wanting to
Movies are also a bad call, because there’s no opportunity to talk or actually interact with the other person.
Many students today have never been on a traditional date
That’s because many students have never accepted a traditional date invitation.
Lindsay, a 25-year-old online marketing manager in Manhattan, recalled a recent non-date that had all the elegance of a keg stand (her last name is not used here to avoid professional embarrassment).
After an evening when she exchanged flirtatious glances with a bouncer at a Williamsburg nightclub, the bouncer invited her and her friends back to his apartment for whiskey and boxed macaroni and cheese. When she agreed, he gamely hoisted her over his shoulders, and, she recalled, “carried me home, my girlfriends and his bros in tow, where we danced around a tiny apartment to some MGMT and Ratatat remixes.”
She spent the night at the apartment, which kicked off a cycle of weekly hookups, invariably preceded by a Thursday night text message from him saying, ‘hey babe, what are you up to this weekend?” (It petered out after four months.)
Online marketing manager + bouncer? A city filled with probably the largest population of successful career guys* anywhere and you go for a bouncer? Good call there Missy, sounds like you got what you deserved.
“I’ve seen men put more effort into finding a movie to watch on Netflix Instant than composing a coherent message to ask a woman out,” said Anna Goldfarb, 34, an author and blogger in Moorestown, N.J. A typical, annoying query is the last-minute: “Is anything fun going on tonight?” More annoying still are the men who simply ping, “Hey” or “ ’sup.”
You’re hanging out with the wrong guys. Period.
many young people — particularly victims of the “mancession” — simply cannot afford to invest a fancy dinner or show in someone they may or may not click with.
See my comments on dinner above.
Cheryl Yeoh, a tech entrepreneur in San Francisco, said that she has been on many formal dates of late … For her, the old traditions are alive simply because she refuses to put up with anything less. She generally refuses to go on any date that is not set up a week in advance, involving a degree of forethought.
What’s this? A woman who knows what her schedule is like more than 3 hours in advance and isn’t a total flake? Is the New York Times making this up?
Moral of the story: if you want something real, STOP HANGING WITH LAMES.
*Unlike many large cities, in which people live beyond their means/struggle just so they can live downtown or in a trendy area, everyone I know in NYC is literally crushing it. There’s really no excuse to be scraping the bottom of the barrel there. None.